I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
God I need to hump something, right now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
