ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
