I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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