The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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