Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
