How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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