I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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