I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
