i think my tv is drunk
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
