the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
