if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was born a porn star she said
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
