was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
