I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just high enough for therapy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
