I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
