so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
