Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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