This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
