Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
