What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
