I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
