Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
