I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
