We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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