remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
