I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
