I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
