i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
