At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
