He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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