i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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