Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
