Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
