Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is wine microwaveable?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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