You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
