Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
