Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
