was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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