I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
