We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
