Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
