so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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