i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
