just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
