In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
