i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
