this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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