I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
