I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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