the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
