Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
