Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
should my penis look like a turkey
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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