I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
