she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
