her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
