So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize