What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
