I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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