hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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