I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
