fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
