Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
