i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
