Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
