I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
