Your tits are I can't wait for
another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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