Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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